Act 1, Scene 1
(Curtains open, a young man who looks to be in his early thirties walks in. He seems to be worried, the buttons on his clothes are mismatched, as if he had been in an unconscious state when he was dressing up. The act happens at a market, it’s a relatively quiet market and there is a semblance of order. He soliloquizes as he walks about randomly)
Beyioda: (With a hand on his head, he is well shaven and has the look of a learned person, an obvious contrast to his gestures and
mannerism)
What am I even supposed to tell Feyi happened this time? Is time flying this fast just so I can get into trouble? What do I do, bayii?
(He’s still walking without any attention paid to where he is going, he almost bumps into a market woman’s stall, and she flares up)
I thought Seyi would have sorted out the rest of my salary by now, why did I even promise to help her out now? (Referring to Feyi) But how could I not? Knowing how it is with the owner of the house, that leech that would do anything to suck her dry, ọmọ, I thought I’d be able to pay that man off for the next one-year once and for all o, kai! I’ve made a mistake o!
(The latter part of his monologue, he exclaims loudly)
Market woman: (she shouts to call Beyioda’s attention before he can bump into her wares) Wo, it is that mistake that will take you to your grave, are you mad? Or perhaps blind? Do you know how much I got these tomatoes, that you want to fall into it? Will you get out of my sight before I hit you with a charm? You fool!
(She says all of these in her native tongue, which Beyi has no understanding of, he can, however, discern that she is threatening him. Beyi makes to explain to the woman that it was unintentional, but she carries a bowl of water filled with pepper and almost splashes it on him, which is Beyi’s cue to flee from the scene)
Beyioda: Ah! God! These people should calm down, how much are the so-called tomatoes? (He reflects briefly, before returning to his
musings) The same tomatoes that I couldn’t afford last week, what am I even saying?
I don’t even know the way to Baba Amuda’s house again, ehn, who the hell lives in the middle of a market anyway? Maybe if I can beg him sha, he will let Feyi stay for the next few months… (He looks very distressed and is even more alarmed when he receives a phone call)
Hello? Ehen? Who? Ah! Stella! (He sighs in relief) I had been wondering when you would finally call me, ọmọ, my eyes have seen o, maybe I should have jumped onto that opportunity to leave this godforsaken place when I could, I thought I could manage, ore, I thought wrong o.
Christmas is not christmasing anything o, in fact, no one has decorations up around my side.
(He pauses to listen as he nods rapidly)
Ah, no o. Me sef, I thought Seyi would work it for us now, I heard through the back door that the man at the top has blocked the funds from getting to us, or at least someone in the upper echelons of power… ehn, I know that one now, all my mind was on that money, Stella. I don’t know where Feyi will stay if I can’t convince her landlord to give me some more time…
(He listens, then shakes his head sadly)
Okay, thank you my dear, let’s talk later.
(The phone call has ended but Beyi looks even sadder)
Man cannot even take calls in peace, whether it’s one of the creditors, I can scarcely tell. (After a couple of minutes, Beyi finds his way to Baba Amuda’s house and there the curtain closes.)
Act 1, Scene 2
(It’s evening, the setting is a small room, a young lady in her twenties,Feyisayomi, is writing an article, it looks like a lot of work has gone into it, due to the presence of scribbled notes, printed papers, writing materials and junk food)
Feyisayomi: (She gets a call which stops her writing activities temporarily)
Hello? Mr. Bayo, hello sir, how is it sir, you must have seen it, when can it be published?
Over the phone: Feyisayomi… (the name is drawled out in a way that suggests that the speaker is tired or fed up)
Feyisayomi: Yes sir,
Over the phone: How many times do I have to tell you that no one wants more details about the morbid state of things in the country? How many times? Can’t you just find something happy, anything else to write about? Must it be government this, government that? Is there no celebrity getting wed, nothing sensational in the entertainment industry?
Feyisayomi: But sir, we need to focus more on these things, who knows? Our newspaper could get recognized through some of these articles.
The entertainment industry has nothing to offer, sir, we need to face the reality of things because…
(She is cut off rudely)
Over the phone: Are you not listening to me? For God’s sake, I want something different, not this, not something like this!
Feyisayomi: Mr. Bayo..
Over the phone: Write me a story on Tonto Dike’s newest tattoos, popular sentiments about it, and it’s significance in and to the Nollywood industry. I want it done before the end of the weekend, you’re fast, and I know it, no diss appointments or disappointments will be tolerated.
Feyisayomi: But Mr. Bayo..
Over the phone: No ifs, ands or buts, get it done or quit.
(The call is over as soon as these words are spoken, Feyisayomi looks frustrated, she looks at her table filled with papers, and she flips the table angrily)
(Her phone rings again, and she picks it up without checking the caller’s ID)
See Mr. Bayo, let me talk. I can’t do it, I’m done, I’m quitting this shit of a job where I can’t write freely, I can’t talk about the things I want to, tell me this is not an infringement on my freedom of speech and right to choice, but you know what? How about YOU write about the latest wig in Nigeria or the latest…
Over the phone: Feyi, it’s me. You know that you can’t afford to quit, we’re barely going on with the little we are making, and you’re preparing this great speech for your boss, who doesn’t even deserve it…
Feyisayomi: (Sounding defeated) Oh, Beyioda, I was determined to end it, once and for all. It’s so hard to write a bunch of trash every day, when there are more important things going on in the country, for crying out loud, what has Tonto’s new tattoo got to do with anything?
Beyioda: That’s not even the issue, just bear on till you can find something else, maybe a better paying job. Odds are low now, especially now that it’s December. Even my bonuses haven’t been paid, talkless of a new intake of employees into the workforce, and one bloody station representative or newscaster walked up to me today after I saw Baba Amuda to ask how I feel about this year’s Christmas in Nigeria.
Feyisayomi: I can imagine how angry you would have been, Beyi.. (She picks at her hair as she paces around the small room)
Beyioda: I wanted to shout bloody murder, Feyi. Of course, I didn’t, but I made sure to spend a lot of time listing out all the issues with the government, this December, the failures, everything, I think someone made a video, honestly, I was so peeved, can you honestly imagine someone walking around in a short heel, stuffy clothes and a fake smile, in the hot sun, asking me how I feel about the end of the year?
Feyisayomi: Sorry. How did it go with Baba Amuda? (Anticipatory)
Beyioda: See, Feyi, Hmm. He said that he cannot give us 6 months grace or even 1 month, that the end of the year is the time he gets to spend the money that his houses have accumulated, and he cannot, because of you and me, deprive himself of the pleasure he has planned for himself..
Feyisayomi: Hei God!
Beyioda: There is nothing I didn’t hear today o. And you know, his children were parading themselves around the house when we were speaking, you know, as if to say, who is this one in our daddy’s house? Feyi, if not for God..
Feyisayomi: What did he say now?
Beyioda: See, he didn’t listen to anything, he said he has a group of standby touts for situations like this, that your things will be thrown out before I can attempt to blink my eyes.
Feyisayomi: Ah!
Beyioda: Eventually, I paid him o
